Ramblings: Confessions of a secret Twihard

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So the other night I watched Twilight breaking dawn part 2,  got totes emosh and preceded to watch part one straight afterwards. The day after I tried and failed to watch part 2 again and my obvious reaction is to have a look around for the first Twilight  to watch. I'm also reading breaking dawn by Stephanie Meyer.

But why? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm pro choice, of the feminist way, I'm not sure if I could ever promise anyone that I will love them for ever and the thought of an eternal life sounds scary and boring to me. Whilst I believe in the possibility of the existence of a divine creator, I don't associate myself with any religion... When my best friend told me that she wished her boyfriend at the time was more like Edward Cullen I  disagreed with her massively because personally I think Edward is boring, lacks a sense of humour and is incredibly controlling (Whilst we're on the subject I think Jacob is just plain annoying). 

So you know...  SHOULDN'T I BE SMARTER THAN THIS?!?* Pretty much all my views on life go against message that comes along with the Twilight Saga.

Always love a mean girls reference
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Why then, do I feel the incesent need to have this series in my life? 

I think that the main reason why is because I tend to go through Twilight phases when I'm going through a break up. And as luck would have it i'm going through one now (kinda/sorta it's a bit complicated but long story short I'm in Northern Ireland he's in London and neither of us are going to be moving to each others country any time soon). Despite the flaws I think Twilight has, I always feel the need to imerse myself in that world when I experience any form of heart break. I think this is because I'm going through a time where i'm very confused about what I want and Twilight is about two people who are so damned certain about what they want romantically it ocasionally (or you know, regularly) drives them to the brink of insanity.

I think another reason why I go a bit nuts over it is  because falling out of love with someone or coming to the realisation that, realistically, you don't have a future with someone you truly love has so far been one of the worst feelings I've ever felt (I realise this mean's i'm very lucky and I fully expect to feel much worse in years to come). You meet this amazing person, have such wonderful times with them and then suddenly, completely out of nowhere you realise you don't feel the same way any more and it is SHIT. Especially when the person you're with literally hasn't done anything wrong. Sometimes you just can't help the way you feel and you need to be honest about it.

So for me the Twilight world is the perfect antidote to those confusing feelings. Those vampires stay in love for an infinite amount of time. They find their true mate (whilst staying celibate till they find them!) and apparently are so unchanging in their nature that they stay in love with that person for ever. Even the Werewolves are in the whole serial monogomy game with their ability to imprint. Which is all fine and dandy until a couple of them imprint on babies (Stephanie Meyer herself could try justifying this to me but it is just. Plain. Weird.). So when I feel the many shitty and confusing feelings that occur post break up I feel the need for those crazy vampire lovers.

And god dammit I'll probably read and watch them all again next time.

*update** A silly post about Twilight sparked the need to draw silly things about twilight... And Manatees:

Manatee Edward

We should probably get back to school FOR ETERNITY.

What get's you through a break-up? The more embarrassing the better!

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* I realise that's a little offensive to Twilight fans (and myself) and I realise that liking twilight does not necessarily mean that you're stupid... At least I really hope it doesn't.